A Man Of Two Minds
by xhidden.tearsx
Summary: He would always be torn between Brooke and Peyton. He was always going to love his wife but he was also always going to love his first love, the girl he was currently having an affair with. BL, LP.


_**Tryin' to build a bridge across my hearts divide  
Caught between two opposite signs  
I want it all and I can't decide  
If I should leave you here or stay with you a while**_

Peyton Sawyer. She was the girl that Lucas was destined to be with or so he thought anyways. For years, Lucas Scott pined after Peyton Sawyer, trying to get her to fall in love with him. Then the unexpected happened, he fell in love with her best friend Brooke Davis and suddenly everything changed. For the first time in his life Lucas Scott fell in love and with someone that he had never imagined he would in a million years. It all happened so fast but for Lucas it was the experience of a lifetime. He felt things he'd never felt before and she had opened up a side of him that he didn't even knew he had. But then he ruined things, when he decided to cheat on her with Peyton. Now he was married to Peyton and raising their 5 year old daughter Sawyer together, but a part of Lucas wasn't fully there. A part of him was still reminiscing about his days in high school when his heart had belonged to Brooke Davis. Half of his heart still belonged to someone else and he wasn't sure what the hell he wanted anymore. He was so torn, and a part of him wanted them both for different reasons but he knew that he couldn't have them both.

They were complete opposites, both completely different people yet best friends. Brooke was about 4 inches shorter than Peyton and had the most beautiful body known to man. She had long straight reddish brown hair, a gorgeous shade of hazel eyes, the most infectious laugh, and contagious dime sized dimples. Peyton was tall and scrawny with curly blonde hair and broody green eyes. They looked nothing alike and the differences didn't stop there. Brooke was the social butterfly. She was student body president, head cheerleader, and the envy of every girl at Tree Hill High. All the guys wanted to date her and the girls wanted to be her. She was rich, beautiful, and had the world at her fingertips. She had everyone wrapped around her perfectly manicured finger but she had a lonely life. Sure she was surrounded by people but her parents never gave her the time of day. They just threw money at her and sent her on her way. The only thing she ever wanted from this world was for them to simply love her. Now she was successful and owned a multi-millionaire dollar fashion empire and had even reconciled with her mother and built up a strong relationship with her. Peyton was the exact opposite. She was the lonely, tortured cheerleader/artist. She lived for music and drawing and she was never a party animal. She only went to parties because Brooke dragged her along and she was only a cheerleader because Brooke made her be one. Peyton was bold and blunt. She told it like it was and she was a rebel that loved to live her life on the edge. She didn't care what anyone thought and if they didn't like what she did then too fucking bad for them. That was something Lucas had always respected about Peyton.

He wanted Brooke because she was beautiful and he saw the vulnerability that hid behind her strong façade. He loved being able to see past that façade and he loved the girl behind the red door. He also had a great physical relationship with Brooke. They had such passion and desire, and the spark he felt with Brooke was undeniable, something that he'd never experienced before. He wanted Peyton because she was like him and because he felt like he had to fulfill the role of being her hero. He had so much in common with Peyton and they had a great emotional connection. With Brooke it was hard and she would actually fight with him and make things difficult but Peyton always told him she loved him and rarely fought with him, because she didn't want him to leave her. He always felt like Peyton's protector, like it was his job to save her from everything. Brooke didn't need to be saved. She was quite capable of saving herself.

Lucas stood at a crossroads, he was so conflicted right now. Peyton or Brooke? Peyton or Brooke? He couldn't have them both although he wished he could.

* * *

_**I love you I love her  
I need you I need her  
I'm always gonna love you  
I'm always gonna love her  
I guess I should just let this thing die  
Cause I am a man of two minds**_

Although his mind was constantly flooded with memories of his past relationship with Brooke, he knew that he loved Peyton too. He was always going to love them both. It didn't matter which one he chose, they would always both be in his heart, occupying the same amount of space.

"People that are meant to be together always find their way in the end."

"Imagine a future moment in your life where all your dreams come true. You know it's the greatest moment of your life and you get to experience it with one person. Who's standing next to you?"

The echoes of words that had come from the two girls that Lucas would always love came rushing back. Which one was it? Which one would was going to be next to him when all of his dreams came true and which one would he find his way back to in the end?

* * *

_**Standin' all alone by the river side  
Runnin' out of reasons I can justify  
What kind of man am I?  
Who can tell a lie and look you in the eye, yeah**_

A frustrated sigh escaped the lips of Lucas Scott as he whipped the ball at the net, watching it hit the rim and roll right into the feet of Nathan Scott. "Still need to work on your jump shot I see."

Nathan picked up the ball and aimed it at the net, watching it swish into the mesh. "And that is how it's done big brother," he chuckled, collecting the ball and tossing it to Lucas.

Lucas just rolled his eyes and shot the ball again, watching it go in this time.

"So do you wanna tell me what's on your mind or do I have to beat it out of you?" Nathan chuckled as Lucas recollected the ball.

"Nothing's on my mind. I'm just playing a little ball," Lucas shrugged. "Is that a crime?"

"I can read you better than you think Lucas. Something is definitely up with you. How about we play a game of one on one since you think you're so amazing and then when I beat you, you can tell me what's up?"

Lucas cracked a smile, "you're on but I wouldn't count on me telling you anything because I am pretty amazing."

10 minutes later, Lucas collapsed onto the bench at the rivercourt, having been defeated by his NBA star of a younger brother.

"So, what's up?" Nathan asked, casually plopping down beside him.

"There's no easy way to say this Nate but you have to promise that anything I say here will not be repeated to anyone, not even Haley."

"Deal," Nathan smiled, shaking Lucas's hand.

"I'm at a crossroads right now. I can't choose who I want to be with," Lucas admitted and Nathan looked at him confused. He knew that Lucas and Peyton were having problems right now but he didn't know that there was someone else.

"Who Lucas? Who is the other girl?" Nathan demanded.

"It's Brooke," Lucas whispered, looking down at his feet.

Nathan looked at him in shock for a brief second, his face quickly changing to anger. "You can't do this Lucas. Not now. Not after everything that has gone down. The Brooke/Lucas/Peyton love triangle was finally put to rest when you made your choice five years ago Lucas and you can't rehash it."

"I can't help it Nate. I think I might have made a mistake but I don't know for sure. I will always love Peyton but I will also always love Brooke. I can't choose Nathan it's too damn hard."

"Well then maybe you shouldn't choose either of them and just let them go," Nathan suggested coldly. His brother really was an idiot when it came to love.

"I don't know Nathan but I'm just really conflicted right now. I need to sort this all out."

"Well you better make a decision soon Lucas or you're not going to have either of them," Nathan hissed harshly before grabbing the ball and storming off the court.

* * *

"Brooke! I missed you," Lucas grinned excitedly as his favorite brunette opened the door.

"Awe, I missed you too Lukey," she smiled, pulling him in for a hug.

The shameless flirting had been going on between them for a while and Lucas knew that Brooke still had feelings for him. It was pretty obvious.

"So let me guess why you came here Lucas. You were looking for a good fuck. Am I right?" Brooke questioned, with the raise of her perfectly plucked eyebrow.

"Maybe," Lucas shrugged. He'd been having an ongoing affair with Brooke for quite awhile now and Lucas was pretty positive Brooke had feelings for him.

"Well then you've come to the wrong place," she whispered icily and Lucas stared at her confused.

"Excuse me?" he questioned, clearly shocked by her sudden change in behavior.

"You heard me Lucas. You're married for fucks sake and I might love you but I can't keep doing this. You love Peyton and I can't just be a random person for you to fuck when it's convenient for you," she hissed coldly. "I want all of you Lucas. I do not want to share you with Peyton."

"I love you Brooke. You're not just a random person for me to fuck."

"What about Peyton? I thought you loved her."

Lucas sighed, running a hand through his hair, "I do. To be honest I love both of you. And I love you both for different reasons."

Brooke let out a long, bitter laugh. "So that's why you've been having an affair with me then. You like the sex I give you and obviously you love me because I'm hot but you love the whole emotional thing you have going on with Peyton. It all makes sense now. And here I was thinking you actually loved me for who I am. God I'm an idiot."

"No Brooke that's not it…"

"Well then what is it Lucas?"

"I will always love you for who you are Brooke. I don't just love you because you are attractive. I mean yes that helps but that isn't why I love you. I love you because you are so selfless and kind hearted. I love you because you are beautiful from the inside out and I just love everything about you. But I love Peyton because she makes me feel loved and she makes me feel accepted. I can connect with her on an amazing emotional level."

Brooke actually laughed at his response. "Go to hell Lucas. You can go running back to Peyton because this…" she said motioning between the two of them "is over."

"Brooke…" Lucas tried but she cut him off.

"I will not be second best Lucas. Peyton may settle for second best but I sure as hell won't."

"You're not second best Brooke," he argued.

"No but I'm not number one either," she glared at him callously, her hazel eyes burning with anger.

"Come one Brooke. Do you want to throw this all away for nothing?"

"For nothing Lucas? I gave you everything and what did I get in return? A broken fucking heart."

"Brooke…" he tried again, walking towards her and cupping her cheeks in his hand.

His lips crashed onto hers and she wanted to kiss him back but reality sunk in and she knew she had to resist. She pushed him away from her face with all of her might, breaking the contact. When she let go, she slapped him hard across the face. "You are a fucking asshole," she hissed as he winced, favoring the stinging spot where she'd whacked him one.

"Come on Brooke, I know you felt it," he smiled vindictively.

"Get the fuck out of my house Lucas. I don't care if I ever see your fucking face again," she growled, pushing him out the door.

* * *

It was about 3:30 in the morning when Lucas finally stumbled into bed. He had just gotten back from the bar and Peyton could smell the liquor on his breath, the whiskey and smoke staining his scent.

He reached over and tried to wrap his arms around his wife but she just pushed him away. "Fuck off Lucas," she growled, pushing him away from her.

"What the fuck did I do?" he questioned, sending her a lethal glare.

"What the fuck did you do? Oh, that's rich Lucas. It's three thirty in the fucking morning and you stumble home drunker than a fucking skunk and expect me to give into you after you've already been fucking my best friend?" she yelled, anger rising in her voice.

"You're going to wake up Sawyer."

"Like you give a flying fuck," she snorted.

"I wasn't fucking Brooke," he answered quietly, his voice barely a whisper.

"And I'm the fucking queen of England. I know about your little affair with Brooke. Why the hell do you think we're not friends anymore?"

"Why don't you leave me then?" he asked, shocked as to why she wouldn't leave if she knew about him and Brooke.

"Because of Sawyer," she answered. "And because I love you even though you're a fucking asshole."

"I'm sorry Peyton. I'm sorry that I hurt you," he mumbled, looking at his wife. "But if it's any consolation Brooke and I are done."

"Yes that's a fucking consolation," she rolled her eyes sarcastically, in typical Peyton Sawyer fashion. "It doesn't erase what you did."

"God now I finally know what Brooke's been through. I mean now I can finally understand why she thinks you're an ass. I hate her for sleeping with you and betraying me after knowing the pain that it brings but still, I finally understand why she got out while she did. I guess she loves you too, just not enough to stay with you. I guess she's stronger than I am," Peyton laughed bitterly, before turning on her side and facing away from her husband.

"Come on Peyton that's not fair and you know it."

"That's not fair? What's not fair is that you keep leading both Brooke and I on. Figure out who the hell you love or you're going to end up with nobody. That's a guarantee."

* * *

_**I love you I love her  
I need you I need her  
I'm always gonna love you  
I'm always gonna love her  
I guess I should just let this thing die  
Cause I am a man of two minds**_

Peyton's words, cruel and harsh as they were kept running through his mind. "Figure out who the hell you love or you're going to end up with nobody. That's a guarantee."

When it all came down to it, he knew he should stay with Peyton for Sawyer's sake but a part of him wanted to go running to Brooke and get out of his relationship with Peyton. Knowing Lucas though, he'd probably decide that he wanted Peyton back after he'd left her to be with Brooke. It didn't matter what he did, Lucas was always going to make a mess of the situation because he couldn't let go and he couldn't choose. He had to be selfish and have all of it.

Lucas was beginning to get the feeling that maybe he was destined to end up alone because not matter what he was always going to be a man of two minds.

* * *

AN: So this an old oneshot I wrote to the song "A Man of Two Minds" by The Trews. It's the most perfect song for the BLP triangle so I had to go with it. I know that the characters, especially Lucas seem very OOC but that's just to fit the mould of the story. Please Review!


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